In the past 3 months or so, we talked about a variety of topics revolving around God, being single, and being in a relationship. This has been a true learning season for me and I hope it has been for you too. To recap that past season, let’s discuss a little bit about each topic.

one. finding Him and him

we must find our fulfillment in Christ alone, not in a woman or a man.

two. if it’s not good, it’s not God

if it is a part of God’s plan for you, than it will be good.

three. they’re not yours to fix

don’t try and fix someone by being in a romantic relationship with them.

four. a real christian love story

talked to my mom about her relationship God and her relationship with my dad.

five. prayers for your future spouse

praying for your future spouse is an act of love towards them, even if you don’t have a clue who they are.

six. un(lovable)

no matter how unlovable we feel, we are loved by God who makes us lovable to others.

seven. trusting God in the midst

Olivia spoke about finding God in the midst of a hard breakup and letting Him lead you.

eight. waiting game

Nicole spoke about waiting for the one that God has planned for you.

nine. singleness isn’t a disease and doesn’t need to be cured

And now today, our last topic of this wonderful learning series! A topic that some of you who are single are going to fight me on, and that is, we don’t need to be in a romantic relationship. None of us need to be in a relationship, we don’t need anything as long as we have Jesus. Singleness really shouldn’t be a problem in this world, not when we are surrounded by God’s love for us and other Christians who cherish us. If we truly implanted Jesus into every aspect of our lives, we wouldn’t worry about tomorrow, we wouldn’t worry about our plans for the year, or for the next five. If we let Jesus take control of our lives, we would let Him lead us through everything, including our season of singleness. If we stopped asking God when He would give us a spouse, then we’d have so much more time to ask God to guide us, to help bring more children to the kingdom. Our main purpose on this earth isn’t to get married and have children, our main purpose on earth is to spread the Word and to share the hope of Jesus Christ. Now how are we going to share the hope, if we’re too distracted by waiting for our future spouse? God has a plan for each and every one of us, if we would just trust in that plan, then Jesus will take care of us, He will sustain us. We must stop the nonsense of constantly waiting for God to give us a person, when God gave us the best thing already, His son. I’m going to share some steps you can take to stop worrying about your singleness and to start worrying about where God can use you.

accepting

the first step to being comfortable in your singleness is to accept Jesus as your Savior. Jesus wants all of us to know Him and to be saved, so He made it fairly simple, all He requires for us to do is to pray to Him. To ask Him for forgiveness and to proclaim that we accept Him as our one and only Savior. If you’d like to talk to someone about what it means to accept Jesus as your Savior, contact me and I can talk with you or put you in contact with a pastor.

praying

being single will always be something that we struggle with, especially when we know God desires for us to be married, but we must pray to Him in our waiting and struggling. If you ask God to guide you through the hardships, He will, He will walk right beside you, He might even carry you through it. pray that God will help you through your worrying and use you for His kingdom.

diving

dive into the Word. the Bible is full of wisdom and clarity, which are two things every human needs. the Bible is also filled with love and lessons from God. when we take a leap into His arms, when we ask Him to guide us, and when we dive into His Word, we are beginning to surround ourselves with God.

meeting

now some of us are going to be single forever and some of us won’t be, but none of us are going to prosper if we try to do life alone. so go out, go to a church group, join a ministry group on campus, find a church that you feel comfortable in, reach out to christian communities, find christian friends. if you surround yourself with people who you are equally yoked with, you will all come together to praise the Lord, and they can even help pray with you during your struggling with being single. God doesn’t want us to do life alone, that’s why He created friendship.

growing

when we keep in our faith and we make a habit of praying, diving into the Word, and meeting other christians; then we will continue to grow. ask your christian friends to hold you accountable, ask God to help you grow closer to Him, make it a daily habit to read the Bible. keep going to your groups, keep putting yourself in Godly situations. when we grow, we start to see others grow too.

sharing

as christians we are called to share our faith, to share the hope of Jesus Christ. stop focusing on whether or not you are going to meet someone and start focusing on those who don’t know Jesus and start helping them to know Him. stop saying “my calling is....” and start saying, “God has called me to share Him with the world.” stop saying “God give me a boyfriend/girlfriend” and start saying, “God lead me to a person who needs you and help me serve them, help me share who you are with them.” we aren’t called to do anything, but to share who He is.

That all being said, singleness isn’t the biggest issue we face, and it really isn’t an issue at all. The biggest issue we face, is knowing that not everyone knows Jesus. We should be focusing on how we can grow in Christ and how we can serve Him. We should focus on bringing more children of God to the kingdom. Your singleness isn’t a disease, it doesn’t need a cure, it’s not a problem. Stop making this about you and start making it about God. “Father, I don’t want to think of my singleness as a problem anymore. I know that you will take care of me, no matter what. I know that whatever happens, I will be okay. Lord Jesus, use me. I want to serve you and only you. This is about you, not me. Lord, use me to expand your kingdom. I know my purpose, I know I’m called to share who you are with the world. Lord, help me share your hope. Lord, this is all about you and your kingdom. Lord, I love you and know I only need you. I pray all of this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Thanks for hanging out with me for this series, until next time!

“You, Lord, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands. How wonderful are your gifts to me; how good they are! I praise the Lord, because he guides me, and in the night my conscience warns me. I am always aware of the Lord's presence; he is near, and nothing can shake me. And so I am thankful and glad, and I feel completely secure, because you protect me from the power of death. I have served you faithfully, and you will not abandon me to the world of the dead. You will show me the path that leads to life; your presence fills me with joy and brings me pleasure forever.” // Psalm 16:5-11 GNT

waiting game

Hi all, my name is Nicole Grover and Aubrey asked me to write from another perspective on relationships and waiting for the right person to come into your life. (To catch up on the series click here!)

These past couple of years, God put my level of patience to the test. I struggled watching my friends find great guys that soon turned into long-lasting relationships. I constantly wondered when it was my turn to meet “the guy". Seeing most of your friends happy and in a committed relationship makes tons of emotions run through your head. Half of you is glad your friend found someone that makes their days better and the other half of you is jealous; jealous of the fact that she/he found their person that makes dark and gloomy days turn bright and sunny. Thinking that I may end up alone was a thought that went through my head often. God showed me in many ways that I wasn’t alone now and that I wouldn’t be alone in my future. “In order to love someone else you must love yourself.” These words stuck with me since the day I heard them. I began to realize that this was God’s plan for me and I wasn’t supposed to rush His plan.

My freshman year of college was the year God truly tested my patience. I saw floor mates, building mates, or even just other freshman walking throughout campus making connections with others. I tried, but I knew that God’s plan was in the works and a connection wouldn’t be forced, rather it would be effortless. Half way through the year, I began to accept that God was in control of my life and the relationships I had made and relationships to come. Letting God take control of my life and letting His plan take over was a big step for me. God puts different people in your life to teach you different lessons. Over the last couple years, I watched some friends lose their relationships, some enter relationships, and some be in unhealthy relationships. Having experienced their heart aches, pains, and the happy feelings with them, I knew that this was God showing me what I should be treated like and what I shouldn’t be treated like. This made it even more clear to me that patience was the right choice.  

So, my friends, being single is nothing to be ashamed about, rather it’s something to be glad about. Knowing that God has a special plan for you makes waiting for your perfect person even better. Although those lonely thoughts still will run through your head, it is important to know that God loves you for you and only you. He has a plan for you and the day you meet your person will come soon enough. Keep praying to God for He will answer. Pray for your future spouse, or your person. Pray they are living a healthy life and will continue to live one. On the days you feel lonely, pray to God as He knows what your path is.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” // Ephesians 4:2

trusting God in the midst

Hello everyone! My name is Olivia Van Wyk and I was asked by the lovely Aubrey Sochacki to write a blog post in order to give another perspective on relationships(which you can learn even more about here). This past year I have had the opportunity to gain many great relationships whether it was through Godly friendships or even a closer relationship with God himself. But along with so much gain there were also many seasons of loss and loneliness in this past year of my life. Long story short I was a girl in love with a man that I had been dating for almost 2 years. He was my best friend and definitely the person I saw myself marrying, having a family with, and just growing old together. Then one day, all these dreams and the reality of my relationship came to an abrupt and unforeseen end. I was devastated, confused, and just angry with the plan that God had for me. Although, after I gave it some time and allowed myself to go through the stages of grief I finally understood what God's plan was for me, and I also learned how to use this next stage of my life to live for Him and accept His plan.

Now with all that being said I definitely wasn't overwhelmed with the answers and an explanation of God’s plan for me, but I was rather overwhelmed with His comfort and presence in my life. But throughout this season of my life, it took time for me to open my eyes and my ears to the Lord and it took time for me to understand and trust God’s plan for me. Thankfully during all this time, God never failed to love me and be patient with me even when I began to question Him. I remember asking why God broke my heart and why He was making me so sad and alone? But then, I realized God does not cause this harm onto His beloved children, but He does allow them (us) to hurt for a reason. Sometimes people need to lose something really important to them in order to realize what is more important in life. This is why God allows our heart to break because He wants us to see how important a relationship with Him truly is. God wants to use this season of your life (and every season, at that) to work through you and to use you to better His kingdom.

Now I’m sure you're probably thinking the same thing that I was; I mean how could God use me when I feel so broken? But the truth is that everyone is broken in their own way and God loves to use these broken people because there is space within Him that can be transformed into something strong and beautiful through the Holy Spirit. For example, in ancient Japanese culture there is a tradition where a sculpture would make a beautiful piece of art and then eventually they would purposely break it. After the piece was broken the artist would use gold to repair the item and make it more beautiful and unique than it was before. In this situation God is the almighty sculpture and has made you perfect in His eyes, but eventually He will allow you to reach a point where you feel broken, and this is where you allow God to be the gold in your life. Allow God to fill in the broken pieces of your life and also repair and restore you! Allow God to make you beautiful and unique through your brokenness and remember that God has a plan for you.

So I keep talking about this plan that God has for you and sometimes you know exactly where he is leading you and other times you may be unsure. Regardless as to what outlook you have towards God’s plan you must remember that God is in control and you are not. As a human this is a hard aspect to accept and follow because we so badly want things to go our way and we want to be in control. For me, I so badly wanted my boyfriend to be a part of my life and a part of my plan, but in reality God has a better plan for me and it will be better than I could ever imagine! With that being said, I will fully trust in the Lord’s plan and I will give Him every part of my life and I hope that you can do the same in any situation of your life; whether it be a heart full of love or a broken heart of some sort. Like I said, as humans, we don't have control over experiences in life and the plan that God has for us, but there is one way we can take action into our own hands and prepare our heart, mind, and soul for the presence and work of God. By creating a relationship with God and using the power of prayer we are able to prepare ourselves for whatever life and God throws our way. So pray that God will work through your brokenness and use you for His purpose. Pray that you will be more Christ like, so that you can see yourself, the ones you love, and the world through His eyes and His beauty. And most importantly, trust in God my friends and remember that He is always there for you even when you feel completely alone and heart broken.

“I am not alone, for my father is with me.”/ / John 16:32

prayers for your future spouse

If you need to recap you can do that here. (I've pretty much made this mini series a full blown series that is probably going to be the focus of my blog for a while.)

Praying is such an important part of our faith, it is a time for us to converse with our Almighty Father and talk to Him about everything and anything. He already knows what is on our hearts, but He wants us to come to Him and build a relationship. He so desperately wants us to pray for others, as well. If you haven’t noticed yet, this post is all about praying. It is specifically, about praying for your future spouse, because they need your love even before you know them. So get praying my friends!

Recently my friend, Maria, told me about a girl who was challenged to buy a tie to remind her to pray for her future husband every night. The story is a good one and reminds us all to continue to pray for our future spouses. God works in mysterious ways and this story highlights that. You can read more about this story here.

So Maria, Olivia and I were intrigued by this idea, so much so, that we decided to do it ourselves. We prayed that God would lead us to the exact tie that our husbands would receive from us on our wedding days, whether it be something funky or something more classic. We had such a fun time picking out a tie for our future men and praying for them. We went to several different department stores in the mall and looked at the ties, then we sat down at a couch in the middle of the mall and prayed. We prayed that God would lead us to the tie that would one day go to our future husbands. This was such an amazing experience, I was actually getting choked up thinking about it. Now we are writing letters to go along with our ties, which I will talk about a little bit later on in this series!

I don’t want to post pictures of our ties on here because I feel as if these ties are a very personal object, that we will one day share with our husbands and until then, they will remain private. Women, I encourage you to go out and buy a tie for your future husband. Men, I encourage you to go out and buy a bracelet for your future wife. I encourage you all to pray for your future spouse and pray for your own heart, that God will prepare you to one day be a husband or a wife. I hope that one day you and your spouse will be able to exchange “prayer-soaked” sentiments.

Below I have added a few prayers for your future spouse that I found on Pinterest. Don't be surprised by the power of prayer. You might pray for something great, but end up with something magnificent! Happy Praying!

"Therefore I tell you, everything you pray and ask for-believe that you have received it and it will be yours." / / Mark 11:24 CSB

a real Christian love story

Recap Time!

Week one: We talked about finding God before you find that person that you will spend the rest of your life with.

Week two: We talked about good relationships and how all things good come from God.

Week three: We talked about God being the only one who can fix brokenness.

To catch up more into depth click here.

This week, I wanted to do something totally different and present you with a real love story; this is the story about how my wonderful parents met. I decided to interview my mom about their marriage because they are really my biggest example on what a romantic relationship for Christ followers should look like. I hope you enjoy learning about a true love story, just as much as I did. Now, I present to you: Bob and Rochelle!

Aubrey: Let’s start with something fun! How did you two meet?

Mom: We met at our mutual friend’s bonfire but never talked or saw each other after that until a year later when we met each other again at another mutual friends’ wedding.

Aubrey: How did you know that you two were meant for each other?

Mom: I was seeking something different then I had ever sought before; I was looking for someone who had things in common with me and I was looking for someone whose actions spoke louder than words. I prayed for someone like your dad and found him.

Aubrey: How has God shaped your relationship with each other?

Mom: With both of us having faith and the same beliefs it's just an unspoken understanding that what we believe is right and just, in the way that you should live your life and raise your family.

Aubrey: After being married, how has your expectations of love changed?

Mom: With your dad, the love I've felt with him in our lives is way beyond romance; it's a mature love and it's for every circumstance. We've been through a lot of hard times and they haven't made us weaker.

Aubrey: What do you think are the guidelines for a successful romantic relationship for Christians?

Mom: For Christians, putting God and His word first.

Aubrey: To you is there a difference between love and romance?

Mom: Yes, love is never-ending. Love is there when there is no romance.

Aubrey: What are your love languages?

Mom: Acts of service

Aubrey: Hypothetically, If I were getting married and asked what you thought was the most important thing you've learned about how to have a successful relationship, what would you say?

Mom: Get over things, don't make love a competition or keep score.

Aubrey: Any advice for someone who is actively seeking God and also looking for a significant other?

Mom: Look for someone who is also seeking God and pray!

Aubrey: One more thing, what is the biggest focus of your relationship?

Mom: God and loving each other and our family.

So see, there you have it. A wonderful example on what a romantic relationship looks like for Christians. I hope this was fun to read! These two are my inspiration, I want a relationship like theirs! Continue seeking God and He will send someone your way!

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” / / Proverbs 18:22

they're not yours to fix

If you need to catch up on this series, click this link.

I have been asking God for a lot of help with this series because as many of you know, I am not at all an expert (or even a beginner) in the romantic relationships department. So there I am, watching one of Steven Furtick’s sermons and he says something about how you are not Joanna Gaines and this is not Fixer Upper and I just felt like God wanted me to talk about that somehow. So here I am now, contemplating how exactly God wants me to relate relationships to an HGTV show. I pray that my hands becomes God’s hands and write this to you from God, through me. Here we go.

we’re all broken

Raise your hand if you’re a broken person. You’re lying if you didn’t raise your hand, because the truth is we are all broken and sinful. We are all giant screw ups and mental illness ridden messes. We have all fallen, had our hearts broken, grieved, been addicted, hated someone, etc. We are super duper broken and super duper unfixable, that is, if another person tries to fix us.

you’re broken

You’ve been hurt before, you’ve felt defeat, you’ve lost your way, you’re still hurting and probably will be for a while. You try to find a man or a woman who will fix you. You search high and low for that person, but the one who will fix you is right beside you; God wants to fix you. God wants you to be made new again, He hates to see you suffering. Don’t ask God for a person to come along and make you better, ask for Him to make you better.

they’re broken

Imagine this: You meet someone who you genuinely like as a person, but they have ghosts in their life. This person has serious issues, issues you have never had to deal with, but you are so infatuated with them. This person likes that you care for them, but they can’t care for you in return because they’re way too broken. You can’t fix them. You can’t take all the shards of their heart and glue them together, you sure can try, but it won't work. “But Aubrey, they have potential! I can help them!” Yes you can help them; by being there for them, by leading them towards Our Healer, by being a prayer partner. But you cannot be in love with them, not now anyways.

God uses the broken

So yes, we’re all super broken and we can try and fix the other broken people. We cannot date those who have potential, those who need fixing. And we cannot seek someone who will fix us, because they can’t. We were not made to fix other people’s brokenness or even our own. We were made to surrender our brokenness to God and to ask Him to fix it, to use our brokenness for His glory. God is a Healer, such a mighty Healer! God is the only one who can repair a shattered heart and a shattered soul. Don’t date someone who is broken, lead them to God, pray for them, and see where God places you. Stop searching for someone to fix you, when God is the only one who can!

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.” / / Psalm 34:18 MSG

If it’s not good, it’s not God

If you missed last week’s post, please read that before you check out this post! This series is very important and I don’t want you to miss out on a single (ha get it? cause it's about being single ha) thing!

So many of us have had horrible relationships, sometimes they’re ungodly and sometimes we think they’re godly, but they’re just hard and painful. If you’re relationship is not good, it is not God’s final destination for you.

wants vs needs

Sure, God will put in you in relationships, relationships you think are everything you’ve ever needed, but they’re only everything you’ve ever wanted. Our wants and our needs are so different. Our wants are not usually what God knows we need. Maybe you want someone who you’ve gone to church with, or someone of the same denomination, or someone who worships in the same way as you; but God knows that’s not what you need. God will show you that relationship you want and then he will help you realize, that it is not what you need. And yes, it will hurt, but in the end you will be closer to God’s plan for you and you will have learned so much! But what God knows you need, is going to be better than anything you have ever wanted! When God gives you what you need, it’s going to be an adventure. It probably won’t be comfortable at first, but you will grow. A relationship isn’t meant to be easy all the time (that would sure be cool if it was). How are you supposed to grow in your faith if you’re never challenged?

how to know if it’s good

There really isn’t one way to distinguish if a relationship is good, because there are so many factors to consider. I can tell you, however, that a relationship is not good when:

• they constantly put you down
• you’re the only one putting in effort
• they’re lustful
• they constantly question your denomination and make fun of your worship practices
• they talk to you like they’re superior (remember, we’re all equal in the eyes of God)
• they aren’t holding you accountable
• they aren’t your advocate
• they aren’t praying with you or for you
• they want you to put them first (God is always first in your heart, remember last week’s post?)
• they aren’t fully drenched in God’s love (again, last week!)
• they aren’t actively seeking God

These are just a few, but I’m sure you have your own personal standards. If someone doesn’t meet God’s standards or your standards, they’re probably (I’m like 1000% sure that if they don’t meet God’s standards) not the one for you.

if it’s not good, it’s not God

Now, I’m NOT saying that if your relationship has some bumps in the road, then you should break up and move on. I think every relationship has potential, if it is God’s work. If your relationship is not good at all, and the other person is not a godly person, then it is not God’s work. If you need a reminder, a daily motivation, or just something to repeat to yourself while in a relationship; it’s “if it’s not good, it’s not God.” Below I have made a little phone wallpaper for anyone who wants it. You could also write this quote down, tweet it, post it on Facebook, and share it with everyone. Share this truth with those around you, I’m sure they need it as much as you needed it, as much as I needed it.

“Lord, do good to those who are good, to those who are upright in heart.” / / Psalm 125:4

finding Him and finding him

This is the first post of my new mini series, Cure for Singleness. Now you're probably like, "Thanks Aubrey, I've been waiting for a cure for so long!" Yeah no I'm sorry, but this series is not about getting dates, or finding the man (I mean it's about finding a man, but not an earthly man) of your dreams (the only man of your dreams is Jesus, no man can be perfect!) This series is just a little something that God has been laying on my heart lately, and I'm hoping that it helps you as much as it has helped me. So yeah let's begin!

finding them both

You can not find him (the man you will marry) until you fully and truly find Him (The perfect man, Jesus Christ); and men, the same applies for you, you will not find her (your future wife) until you find Him (Yet again, the only perfect person, Jesus). Here's my point:

Jesus at the center

When you have Jesus at the center of your heart, everything will fall into place. When you have Jesus you won't need another person to fuel your happiness, you will find all your joy in the Grace of God. When Jesus is at the center of your heart, you will not have to seek a spouse, you will never have to chase after them, when you fully love Jesus, him or her will find there way to you through the power of the Holy Spirit.

actively seeking

If you are actively seeking a spouse, then you are not actively seeking God. If you are actively seeking God, he will bring you someone, when the time is right. We can not put someone at the center of our heart, because then there is no room for God. To find a godly woman or man, you must be a godly person yourself, you must be drenched fully in the love and Grace of Jesus Christ. When we have the love and Grace of our God, we don't need anyone or anything to make us happy.

companionship

God created woman for man, because man needed a companion. Man needed a prayer partner, man needed a friend, man needed a support system, man needed an advocate. Relationships aren't meant to fuel your happiness and energy, they're meant to help fuel your relationship with God.

the only cure

The most important thing in your life is God and your relationship with Him. If you plan on curing this singleness, you can only find that cure in God. A relationship will not cure singleness, unless you have already found God. God uses our singleness as a learning process, as a time to grow closer to Him before you can grow close to him or her. Singleness is God's way of preparing us for a marriage, centered only around Him. Singleness doesn't need a cure, because you're never going to be alone when you have the Lord in your heart.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." / / Matthew 6:33 CSB