this morning i felt urged to stay home from church and spend alone time with Jesus.
recently, i have felt like it has been harder for me to spend alone time with Him. i used to talk to God all the time, i used to cling to His presence, through everything. but now, it's almost like i'm scared to put myself in His presence, i am terrified that i am too broken and full of fear. i feel like it's easier to go to church and worship Him in front of others, but i become so vulnerable when it's just me and Him. but that's the thing i have to remember, that God wants us to be vulnerable and that we can never be too broken for Him.
so this morning, i stayed home from church. i made myself a cup of coffee and sat down in my favorite green chair. i opened my Bible to a random devotional, took out my "Jesus journal" and sat in His presence. i read 2 peter 1:1-15, 2 chronicles 16:9, and ephesians 3:20-21. i turned on "stand in your love" on spotify .and this was exactly what i needed today.
i have been trying to deal with a lot of things on my own lately, trying to rely on my own strength, and not understanding why God has given me so much to deal with. these verses reminded me that God can do way more than we ask or think. He loves those who devote themselves to Him. He has given us everything required for life. "we don't have to muster up the strength to live the christian life in our own power." this song reminded me that even when brokenness and pain is all i know, that my fear doesn't stand a chance, when i stand in His love. it took staying home from church and having coffee with Jesus for me to realize that i never had to do this on my own. that i don't have to be strong during the struggles that i am going through and that God has given me these struggles because He knows i can handle them and that they are going to shape me into the person that i am meant to become, the person He wants me to be.
all that being said, if you feel God urging you to do something today, do it. He might be telling you to stay home from church, He might be telling you to go to church, He might be telling you to reach out to someone whom you don't want to reach out to, He might be telling you to go to the doctor, He might be telling you to clean the house, He might be telling you to do the most mundane task in the world; He has a reason for urging you to do these things, so please listen to Him and do them. i promise you won't regret listening to Him, i never have regretted it.
-aubs
