being single and happy is weird.
for the first time in my life, i am happy that i am single. i used to talk and act like i was happy being single but the whole time i was longing for something more and questioning why i hadn’t found it yet. but this summer changed that.
this summer was a crazy summer for me, both mentally and physically.
i have been dealing with some mental illness for some time now and this summer i decided that i just want to be happy. i have since cut out a few things that make me unhappy, like meat and working out (lol). i have also added a few things to my life to help make me happier like i started cooking again and decided to get closer to friends that i care about. i have also decided not to be so hard on myself, especially when i'm feeling depressed or panicky. i keep having to remind myself that some days i need to lie in bed all day and that i can't be mad at myself for doing it. i also can't get mad at myself for being anxious for unknown reasons and seeking people who make me less anxious. it's all about being happy while having depression and living with it. it's a mindset.
i also struggled with some physical health issues and i have been doing a lot of reflecting on those issues and how i plan to deal with them. this thought creates the perfect opportunity for me to ask for some prayers. due to these health issues that i have, i have had to step back and realize that i am not in control of my life and as much as i like to avoid big pharmaceutical companies, sometimes natural remedies can't help with certain issues. this has been a big struggle for me but has yet again shown that I need to be single to figure these things out because it's already a lot of added stress in my life and i don't need to add more. i could really use some prayers for improvement of my health and wellbeing.
i have been able to focus on my school and ultimately my career while being single. i published a book and am working on another one. i have moved up in my position at work. i am getting good grades and hope to land a food and beverage job as soon as i graduate. i plan to move somewhere on the east coast to open a cafe with angela. being single has helped me to accomplish my goals and allows me to live my life without having to compromise.
last but not least, i have been focusing a lot more on God and what he wants from me in this life. right now, He wants me to be single. He wants me to focus on making myself better before i try and start a new relationship. this summer was just a crazy reminder that God puts me in situations for a reason. i am happy where i am at and i am happy with the direction that my life is headed.
one day, someone will come into my life and be able to help me deal with all these things in my life, but for now, i am doing it all on my own.
sometimes it still freaks me out that i'm happy and i'm worried that it won't last long. i'm focusing on the now and i'll focus on the future when it gets here. for now, i am happy.
xoxo, aubs
